I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
