i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
