I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
