I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i think i just lost a toe
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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