I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
