if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
