I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
