I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
