Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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