Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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