I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
