dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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