I queefed so loud it echoed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
