i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
