It's Friday. Sex?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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