Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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