Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
