A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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