Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
