Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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