i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
