is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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