would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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