I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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