Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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