We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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