here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
