she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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