His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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