someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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