if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I touched a dick in church today
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
