remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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