You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
