did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
