your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
