hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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