yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
