my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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