It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
