She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
