...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
