The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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