I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
