Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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