you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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