my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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