I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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