I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
