I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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