Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
