Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm like, not good at living.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
