i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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