He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
