I think i peed on brittanys purse
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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