I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
